Creating and Self-Esteem

I often refer to many of my drawings as doodles, and you'll probably never hear me refer to anything I do as art.  I'll take a moment to explain my reasoning for this, and also this is a perspective I have only towards myself, not towards the works and expressions of others.

I would mostly say that I dabble in things, or have various hobbies.  I like to write, but it's never very much; I have "chapters" of a steampunk story I have bouncing around posted in various places.  I draw things because it helps me explore my visual representation of them, in fact when I initially draw a character I don't necessarily know exactly how the will turn out.  A good example of this is Bec and Elara T'Surin.

Almost no given drawing or other thing I've worked on has ever had more than four hours of time spent on it.  I often work simply in pencil or pen, and it's as I'm thinking and creating.  What you see(including posts) is almost entirely unedited, and often is the actual act of the creation.  My vlogs are obviously edited because they would be longer and have plenty more awkward pauses.  I say anyways far more than you may realize.

Anyways, I also would not consider my creations to be of incredible standards, and I feel that that is a very honest and as close to unbiased as I can be.  This applies to a lot of things I've done, because while some things I've done quite well at, I would rarely be considered the "best".  I do feel that I can do many things quite well actually, though even typing that statement makes me feel a need to instantly retract it for fear of sounding like a narcissist.  In cards, the queen, king, and ace are all above the jack.  So being a jack-of-all-trades mean you may do well at many things, but excel at much fewer if any.

I believe that a good fundamental to have is to try to see things complexly, especially others and also yourself.  Sometimes I find I struggle to be happy with myself, and when I do it's because I'm often failing to see myself complexly.  For example, I still have apprehension to share my creations and thoughts, and I believe it is strongly related to my idea that I don't do anything well enough to really have it define me.  I'm not an artist, I'm not a scholar, I'm not a philosopher.  But you know what, I'm a human, and so is everyone else.  I have many friends that like and appreciate the things I do, so when I want to tell myself I don't have merit, maybe I should take a moment to respect their opinions.

Think On Everypony,
Alturiigo