Personal Investment

My last post talked about what I'd like to do, creating stuff, and as I sit here thinking about stuff I'd like to do and working things out in my head, I'm also thinking about the things I could and should be doing as well.  On some level I can force myself to work, but on another, I can't exactly force my creative intent to unfurl before and within me.  My muse can be elusive, or perhaps hard to communicate with at times.

Something I've been rather conscious of lately is spending time drawing/creating.  I try to spend at least a few hours every evening drawing(usually), or at least working on something or toward something.  Even if all I end up doing is a sketch, at least I'm working towards something, practicing, doing.  Sometimes I can be a little afraid to even start because I know that the final result will fall short of what I hoped it could be.  It's not that my goals themselves are entirely unrealistic, but I often lack certain tools and skills which make them realistically attainable.

Just because I can't make something that's perfect, doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

This is somewhat important for me to remind myself of, because it's only through all of my attempts and "failures" that I've come to understand how I can improve and practice doing so.  I'm not an amazing artist, despite the fact that I've had a lot of time to develop, but it's also been a slow and half-hearted development for the majority of that time, because I was A) afraid to even try, and B) couldn't believe that I could truly reach a point that I wasn't pathetic.  This second part makes both parts into a self-fulfilling belief, or however you want to think of that concept.

I suppose I can't feel too bad about not doing a ton of "work" on Christmas, and I also did draw stuff for the last week or so pretty consistently, perhaps I'm being somewhat hard on myself.  I've already learned that if I make too many excuses for myself then I won't accomplish what I hope to, but I've also learned that setting realistic goals and respecting yourself and your own needs are important things to keep in mind.

So as my holiday message and a thought as we close out a calendar year- I encourage you to respect yourself and your needs, discover the person you want to be, and make realistic goals which guide you to that person.

Happy Holidays Everypony,
Alturiigo

On My Personal "Dream Job"

From videos to blog posts, all derived from late nights and endless thought, I've shared about my thoughts on what I want to do, who I am, what I want to be.  I've thought about "where I see myself in x years", and asked myself, "What do I do when I just do what I want?", and that's helped me look at it in a several different ways.  I'd like to share a little now that I've had more time to shape the understandings about myself that I have gained.

Making a living is kind of important, and while arguably there are many ways to "live", participating in general society pretty much requires finances.  That's more or less the extent of my drive for personal wealth- I mean sure having plenty of money would be great, but I have no desire to collect or hoard it.  I care about trying to be a good person, and for me, caring about how I work and what it says about me is a part of that, more so than how much money I make.

I love to create, to draw, to produce, to share.  I spend a lot of time thinking about stuff, and through talking to others I've learned that I really enjoy helping others to reach for their own goals and see both the world and themselves a little more complexly.  Through creating, drawing, and sharing, I've found ways that I can try to encourage others while doing something that I love myself.  There's a living to be made for this, though it's not exactly easy and can require some luck for the circumstances to create a financial income.  This would be my dream though.

I would love to be able to spend my time producing content, so that I may not only share the things that I love and the things that I've learned, but to also create a greater means to be able to encourage others to be the best versions of themselves that they can.  I'd need to make a living through this to be able to give it all of my attention, but past the cost of living and career expense(art supplies, etc), I feel confident in saying that I would like to redirect gains towards helping others.  There are countless charities and programs that could use support all over the world, and even in my own small way, I would indeed like to help the idea of the world.

It's still hard to try to say this and take myself fully seriously, because while I respect artists, vloggers, bloggers, journalists- I also ended up feeling like those weren't "realistic jobs" when I was trying to originally think about my life goals.  Here we are now, many years later, and it's only that much harder to take myself seriously, despite all the hard work I've put towards this "dream job" - one that is not so far in the dream realm any more.  In some ways, this post is also about trying to take myself seriously by pronouncing it- by giving it shape and direction as well as breaking it from being limited to an internalized thought.

It's frightening to face the possibility of reaching for your dream, and I can only imagine it would be much much more so for people whose very identity and existence goes against "expectation" and acceptance.

Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

The Beautiful Imagining of Life

The beauty of life is in the horizon, where the journey becomes the destination, at the end of a rainbow, feeling without knowing, happy tears, dreams of tomorrow- the never-ending realization that the only thing we have is now, and it’s already gone; a reality we cannot touch, but only imagine.



Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

Pledges and Resolutions

I was in 4-H for a little over 8 years, and I've recited the pledge quite a few times. I don't know that I would say that I didn't believe what I was saying, but recently it really kinda struck me.

I pledge my Head to clearer thinking,

My Heart to greater loyalty,

My Hands to larger service,

And my Health to greater living,

For my club, my community, my country, and my world.

As far as pledges go, I feel like this one keeps it simple and positive. I like that. I was making a pledge to think critically, be true to what I believe in, try to help others, and use my strengths and self to help those around me. Sure that's a re-wording, but that's also how I felt and feel about it, and those are ideas that are important to me.

I bring this up because the approach of the year's end is often a time to think about the next year, the future. Many people make resolutions for the new year, quite similar in concept to a pledge. It had actually been a few days prior to this thought on pledges that I was thinking about making some pledges for the upcoming year. Here's what I have on my white-board right now-

• Take Myself Seriously
• Deadlines, Responsibilities, Agency/Capabilities
• Spend My Attention Productively
• Focus On Things Important To Me
• Be Aware Of How I Spend My Time
• Actively Encourage Others
• Help Others See Themselves Positively
• Encourage Positive Perspectives
• Be The Version Of Myself I'd Like To Be
• Create, Post, Draw, Create, Create
• Share More, Share Better
• SPEAK UP!

I can at least try to be the best version of myself that I can be, for myself, and most of these things really do fall under that. Taking myself seriously has a lot to do with that, being able to believe that I can be the person I want to be. Actually that's really important I think.

Remember this: Take yourself seriously, believe that you can be the person you want to be.

Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

This and That

A variety of blog/vlog post titles, including many of my own, use This and That; I'd like to share some of my thoughts about that briefly.

Context is something that is unavoidable, and is also unique to every individual, at every given moment.  You are continually gaining more context for things, and also shaping your existing context.  Without being able to assume a universal context for something, it can be difficult to talk accurately about it.  This is where having a comparison or lens to approach the subject becomes a little more useful.

Using another something to compare or contrast with your original subject provides a few parameters to "frame" your subject, and hopefully give direction and "effective limitations" to the context of the argument or discussion.  The world is complex, and I feel as though providing a boundary for the conversation helps enforce the idea that there is much more that can be discussed and considered valid- in other words, by saying "let's look at it this way", it arguably supports a notion that you could "look at it that way".
Note: This touches on an invalid argument that "good begets evil, right demands wrong", which does not accurately convey the complexity of human experience, our reality.

I think I have to cut that train short, because it becomes a difficult argument about open-discussion/free-speech against "empowerment by acknowledgement" and "agency by validity", which are difficult concepts but not wholly wrong by any means.  The world is complex, and any discussion can be difficult to navigate, and I think that brings me back nicely to the topic of the post, the usefulness of parameters for discussion.

Having a lens or frame for a discussion allows you to discuss something complex in a simpler way, but by nature presents itself as a limited view of the subject(s).  This is also useful because it takes a large, complex machine of context and gives you a potential sight into how that machine might work.  We do this all the time as we learn about the world around us - we use what we know to figure out what we don't, we compare, contrast, we observe and we create.

Just remember, you can never see the whole of something through any one lens.

Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

Humanity and Public Welfare

Note- I use quotes around words and phrases to distance them, I don't seek to be as literal as possible, but rather evoke the sense of the word.

First off, this is not necessarily a thorough examination of broad "political" concepts, but intended to be a thought-share about the relationship these have through intent, aside from additional effects and ideas they carry.  This may be broad at times(as intended) and is obviously based on my understanding and experience, so with that in mind, let's go forth.

Among all the other things, I believe there is a common intent that helped shape the concepts of Socialism and Communism, and that's what I'd like to explore.  Here's the thought - the intent to encourage a society in which the good of the whole is an acknowledged and supported concept.  One of the biggest aspects of both of these systems that is a symptom of this, is the attempts to redistribute wealth.  While Communism and Socialism are in many ways very different, they both include mechanics which effectively redistribute wealth in more... "authoritarian" ways, perhaps.

Here's where my thoughts continue; when discussing things that pertain to public welfare and social programs as aspects of "government", this tends to cause subjects of the conversation to become "Communist" or "Socialist".  When discussing the idea of the government taking a larger role in public healthcare, the conversation has a difficult time avoiding the label of Socialism, and this is not just limited to healthcare, but rather is limited to the aspect of "government".

I believe the idea of government came about to help enforce and shape societal tendencies and "rules", in some occasions with the hopes of the broadest sense of good.  Socialism and Communism approach their intent by using government as a means to shape and enforce, through laws and/or taxes, a society which focuses on the "good of the whole" - which I won't get into but has a ton of ugly arguments as a concept, so it's not a blanket "good" argument.  Again, there are many many differences here between Socialism and Communism, but that is it's own discussion as well.  There are many ideas of what is "good" and "right", and while government is arguably a symptom of "cooperative intelligence", I feel it fails to address range effectively by focusing more heavily on average, and thereby fails to accurately address the needs and will of the governed.

What gets lost is the intent, the wish, the hopefulness - where it came from, a positive place, even if it's "naive".  If our culture as humans was to think about humans and humanity as a whole, and to invest in our species as a whole, these ideas would seem arguably unnecessary.  We are becoming more and more of a global entity as humans, and our image of humanity and identity as a species is becoming more important now than ever.  Our success as humans may very well rest on our ability to work together as a species and overcome our greatest obstacle - ourselves.

Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

Crowd-Sourcing Public Welfare

I have plenty of ideas, and some of them I like to think aren't so terrible.  One such idea was the concept of an entity which helps to transparently partner businesses with charities and community prgrams.  This thought occurred to me while thinking about a business called BoxLunch, which contributes based on sales, with "Every $10 you spend BoxLunch will help provide a meal to a person in need" according to the website.

I thought this was pretty cool, because while other companies offer opportunities to donate extra money with your sale or with specific purchases, this integrates the charitable idea into the business model.  This is something that is admirable to me, I like to think of it like crowd-sourcing public welfare.  And I don't mean that so much in the sense of actually funding a welfare program,but rather that as a people, we are looking out for people.

It's good and well for companies to do this, but something that can be difficult is determining whether or not the entity is actually contributing, as well as whether the charity is legitimate or not.  While I would love to see the majority of businesses trying to participate in community programs(as many do), it's something that can be easy to claim and harder to prove false.

With Kickstarter and Patreon, I think about the fact that increased accessibility and presence has helped entities with smaller presences find their smaller audiences.  This is a big part of our world today, the ability for the Internet to give a larger potential presence and allow greater outreach and connection.  Google One was an app that partnered with charities, checked said charities, and helped users give small amounts and encourage other users to give.  I mention these things, Kickstarter, Patreon, and Google One, because to me they are a demonstration of the ability of crowds, not entities, to achieve large goals.  One of the ways I believe they help do that is by the ease of being able to contribute, compared to without these systems.

This idea then, would be like crowd-sourcing charity, but from businesses.  It could possibly be as simple as the business signing up to participate and selecting a rate of participation, which would in turn earn them the status as a particpant in valid charity.  The transparency is the biggest concern I have, but I think there's a potential here.  It looks good for a business to give back to the community, and something like a simple logo or symbol can help them easily show that(imagine like a little blue + or heart they could put by their logo or something).  The task would be to help partner charities and businesses together, but to also help support that as a common practice.  How would we do that?

Our attention is one of the most valuable commodities as a crowd, and how we spend our time and money is incredibly important.  There's a (hopefully) growing movement to be more aware as consumers, and doing this is actually productive - corporations need your attention to thrive.  If an environment could be encouraged to exist in which consumers sought exclusively "giving" businesses, we could create a culture in which large sources of monetary flow helped to contribute to the well-being of the community which supports it.

I'm not going to say this is an easy thing to do, or that it would "solve" problems - rather I would like to propose the idea for conversation and direction, because I would like to understand how we can help create a culture in which the sum of money was for people, humanity.  I understand how corporations come to exist, and how competition works, but it's hard not to feel like the distribution of wealth has gotten a bit fucked.

I'd rather not argue about whose fault it is, but instead try to talk about ways we could maybe be better as people and work toward a world that's a little better, a little bit at a time.

Trot On Everypony,

Alturiigo

Edit:  Came across these tweets from a little over a year prior to posting this

Bec's Design Progression

So for this post, I'm gonna go over how Bec came to be the character she is now, and some of the choices for her character design.

One of my earlier drawings of Bec

I wanted to eventually introduce a secondary "main character" to the Echoes Saga, and after watching Samurai Champloo I took to liking a fiery spirit to counter Kelly's watery, fluid nature.  While she had originally started from a lot of ideas, the Bec she is now came after exploring my ideas about the character and how she fit into the story.

I wanted Bec to be a lot like Kelly as far as being an Archon goes, but was struggling with how I was going to express that.  While Kelly's expression is through art, I wasn't sure that I could make it work to have her "cast" through dance or song, which are two important things to Bec personally.  She doesn't express herself in her own music, but dance is something more expressive for her.  One of the first times Kelly and Bec really connect, it's after Kelly interrupts Bec, who had been thoughtlessly dancing while dealing with her emotions.

Bec tends to be withdrawn
and standoff-ish

Bec enters the story upon transferring to the same school as Kelly after the death of her own parents, being moved to stay with her aunt and uncle.  Bec's father produced music and she got her love of it from him, and while I hadn't thought about the professional career of her mother, that is where she inherited her love of dance.  They were financially sound, and Bec went to a private school when they were alive.  She resented the uniform, and often wore her favorite sweater over it.

Music, dance, and her old uniform are some of the things that Bec clings on to emotionally while trying to cope and continue after losing her parents.  She never had to think about how to dress for school before, she didn't wonder about if people would like her(she never cared, but still), she had a routine, a life.  While she wasn't a ball of sunshine before, she always did appreciate the life she had, and loved her parents very much.  That was all gone now.

Bec tends to be a little more toward the shy or distant side, but she is also a very passionate and excitable person.  The way she wears her hair was a

Bec channeling that fiery spirit

design choice I made early on to try to help convey her withdrawn nature.  While she may be shy in some ways, that is not to say that she's terribly concerned about what others think.  If she doesn't like you, she probably won't bother with you.  If you do something she doesn't like, she's likely to let you know, for better or worse.

As far as Bec's expression of spiritual power, I settled on the notion that she had a powerful fire spirit that had been bound within her(possibly a lineage trait), and she could channel it in varying degrees.  Bec hasn't been doing this since she was a child, and doesn't learn it about herself until after knowing Kelly for some time.  After an event where Bec is abducted by a bloodmancer, she is awakened to her own powers, and the spirit within her.  She sometimes struggles to control the spirit if she channels too much at once, and its fiery and consuming nature becomes harder for her to stop.

Because at some point, this is bound to happen in the story

And that's Bec for you.
Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

Revisiting Old Pictures

I've been trying to do a lot more drawing lately, and have been successful.  I've also been looking at old stuff, and have gone back to them with a pen and a little more direction/intent.  Some I tried to rework the original, one I just redrew.  The first is a comparison of one of my first drawings to a more recent one.

Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

Language and Communication

Something I found myself wondering the other night, was about how communication might have began.  The word language and the very idea of it tend to lead us to thoughts about words, grammar, various languages and word origins.  The idea of communication isn't limited to language, and language isn't even limited to the concept of spoken or written communication; think of body language as a concept.

We can easily lead ourselves into thinking about hieroglyphics as a written language, giving a "word value" to an image, especially because it makes it easier to approach the task.  This can be a limiting way of thinking about it though, because structures of written and spoken language are not inherently structures of picto-graphic writing.  As we use spoken and "written" language to convey ideas and concepts complexly, hieroglyphs are their own way of conveying ideas and concepts through structured imagery of sorts.   Our words, characters, glyphs, sounds- all are tools we use to let someone else know what we know, or what we think.  Language is a means to an end, the end being communicating.  This helped me be able to better explain and understand my... let's call it interest, in how the Internet has affected language.

There was a while were I was one of those that "resented to decay of language and social interaction" that the Internet seemed to encourage, with posts of terrible spelling and grammar, memes, posts about what you're doing(except that what you're doing is posting), it goes on.  I didn't stay off the Internet though, and found things that I appreciate about it, like being able to wish a friend across the world a happy birthday, whom you haven't seen in years or have phone access to.  Another thing I've come to appreciate is memes.

Yep. Memes.  Oh and gifs.  As humans have had more time to develop this new "social landscape", as I have previously called it, we've created a lot of new and different ways to communicate not only to each other, but to communicate ideas in whole new ways.  I sometimes get lost watching a gif cycle endlessly, and many can strongly convey a thought or feeling.  Sometimes there are words, and as most should know(this blog is on the Internet), memes are still gifs with words.  That's right, I called a picture a "still gif".  That's legit, right?

Memes and gifs go a long way in communication, which is interesting to me because I resented them at first.  "Oh look, yet another meme about an arrow to the knee."  It got old, then I got used to it, and now memes are kind of a thing that just is, an Internet thing.

For better or worse, the Internet has a global ramifications on human kind(and I'm aware most of the world doesn't have computers), and I feel it would be silly not to complexly think about the role the Internet is playing and will play in human social progression.

Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

p.s. here are some memes and I Tumblr shot I had lying around

Drawing Progression

So I've been realizing that I am starting to become capable of drawing larger, fuller pictures.  One of the reasons I usually just do a partial character drawing is because I struggle with a variety of drawing tasks, and have(in my opinion) always messed them up.  I took a couple pages of sketches that a friend asked me to work on for him, and I was actually rather impressed with my result, at least compared to what I had done so far.

Just recently I found a picture I had wanted to draw for him still in a rough-ish pencil state.  I went back at it and finished the picture as best I could, and am quite happy with it(the Sylveon gave me a hard time though)-

This made me want to keep going forward, and I decided I should attempt another large picture, to challenge myself to do what I used to think I couldn't.  I chose Suirlas for a character, and here's the picture in progress - 

I enjoy drawing, largely because I am always dreaming up stories and characters, and making worlds for them.  I'm getting much closer to being able to share my Imagi-verse, the multitude of ideas in my head.

Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

Drawing Style... ?

As I take a brief break from a picture I'm working on, I'd like to share a little about how Drawing and I have gotten to know each other.

I never really thought of myself as a "creative type", though I guess I couldn't give a good answer as to why; I suppose I thought I was a nerd and could be nothing more?  Through middle-school(K - 8th grade) Art class wasn't really optional, and after that I took more science and computer classes for my electives.

I ended up playing Dungeons & Dragons(3.5), and began to draw my characters, try to at least.  Before that were some stick figures and eventually "block" figures of both little and great importance I suppose.  As I tried to draw my characters, I had to think about what they would wear, and started to draw a lot of clothing, taking an interest into fashion design.  I lost my pile of drawings over the years :(

I kept drawing, and somehow, things were looking more and more like actual things, even the things I wanted them to look like.  As I started putting pencil to paper more and more, my creative projects began to become real to me. Echoes was really early into this journey, and something that made me explore how I draw.  I picked up a book and worked on some stuff, like the image to the right of Bec.

I suppose in part I feel like I could never draw that well on a mass scale, nor for every aspect.  There's a little more to it though, because I had started to notice that no matter what I drew, it never looked right... well, it didn't look the exact same.  I still liked a lot of my simpler drawings, and I began to open up to myself about how I would draw.  There are three general styles I work with, one of which is pretty much one of my first styles, developed off the "block" characters I would draw.  Another is closer to a chibi style, with a large head and small body by proportions.  The last is one I've used for later Echoes stories, and am still working out.  Here are examples of the three - 

 Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

Awareness and Change

There's a lot of stuff to talk about when it comes to social issues, and it can be hard to discuss them without attacking other people, whether you intend to or not.  That being said, it can be hard sometimes to only listen.

"If it isn't broke, don't fix it."  Silence is not acceptance, and that's also not to say that if you're not fixing something, you don't think that it's broke... but if what we think is normal is broken, shouldn't we try to fix that?

Some time ago, I was frustrated while thinking about Affirmative Action and feminism, thinking on it from "a logical perspective on equality".  In my old argument, giving a favorable treatment is not a demonstration of equality.  An unfortunate side-effect is that many qualified candidates are thought to have gained their employment without merit, which is not the intent or actuality. This issue is that it doesn't address equality very thoroughly.

As a straight white male, equality for myself isn't something I need to examine in my daily life, and I would argue that it makes it difficult for me to think about equality complexly. That doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't try though, and it takes talking about it to help me understand it more.  Talking to people who have experienced it, trying to listen.  There are posts popping up more frequently talking about "anti-white" and "anti-male" sentiments, and while I saved a few because I wanted to call them out, I'm now thinking I'd rather not give them the merit of showing them.  Let me talk about that for a second-

I've had occasion where things were assumed of me because of my gender and race - HERE AND THERE OCCASIONS WHICH HAD NO REAL IMPACT ON THE OVERALL OUTCOME OF MY LIFE AND MY WELL-BEING.  Not many generations have passed since it was generally acceptable to make racist and sexist jokes, and as the Political Correctness movement gained steam, many resented the fact that they couldn't make the same "jokes and observations(gonna call that out because just don't take that road)" and feel as though it starts to infringe upon freedom of speech.

Libel and slander are real concepts, and there are numerous occasions when rhetoric, WORDS, were used to start wars, incite violence, instigate Inquisitions... I hope you get the point without more examples.  While there's some sort of "logic" in an argument that saying something and doing something are different things, it starts to get fuzzy when you shout "Fire!" in a crowded theater or convince a mob to lynch someone.

Let me get to why I wanted to call out the word "observations" for stereotypes - it suggests a "scientific" or "unbiased" context.  While the use of the word may not be entirely incorrect by the word's definition, the social context of the word seems to encourage or at least legitimize that train of thought.

I once called something "retarded" while with a couple friends who worked with people who had special needs.  They immediately snapped at me for using the word, and right before I defended myself I had the clarity to shut my mouth and open my ears.  Accept that I said something I shouldn't have, even if I didn't intend to.  The word still bears its social context against people who have varying disabilities, regardless of the conversation.  It's my decision, but I now do my best not to use that word, and have said it less than a handful of times(so like probably less than 5 over four years).  It doesn't matter if I never used the word to describe person who is disabled or has special needs, that doesn't really make it a better word when I use it.

Okay let's tie some of this together.  The words we use when we talk have a social context, a social value, many of which have had a lot of negative context.  Some words are more obvious than others, and some are a little more tricksy.  A recent example would be the reference to Lebron James's associates as a "posse" - the context of the word creates a dismissive nature to their role.  The word isn't racist or necessarily has a history of being used racially, but is dismissive and belittling in the nature of his friends/business partners.
When your everyday life isn't made more difficult by who you are, it's far easier to say "toughen up" or "get over it".  There aren't that many years separating us from a time when "normal" words and conversations were racist and sexist, but the people who would be offended weren't being heard.

I like to think I'm a good person so when someone has a misgiving with me, my instinct is to defend myself -  instead I don't.  There is a reason they felt offended, try to listen for what that is.  You may not even realize you're doing it, it could have never crossed your mind - that doesn't change it.  While I like to THINK that I am a good person, I believe it is important to ask myself as honestly as possible if that's true.  When push comes to shove, would I do the right thing?  I believe everyone should be treated equally sure, but that doesn't mean that everyone is.

If it's not broke, don't fix it.  OKAY WELL THIS IS OBVIOUSLY BROKE SO CAN WE TALK ABOUT FIXING IT PLEASE?  If we want to come together as a peoples, we need to be people together.  While there have been trends towards improvements in many social rights movements, ACTUAL EQUALITY is something that is far from... actual.

The notion that since we "won" the Civil War and the Civil Rights Movement happened that America is not a racist or sexist country is a false equivalence.  No, this is not the same as saying that everyone in America is racist and/or sexist, or that if you call yourself American that you are racist and/or sexist.  It supports the notion that not everyone has the same "American" experience.  The problem arises when only some of us get to be "American", despite being lawful citizens.

People aren't being treated equally, that's not really a matter of opinion, in fact it sometimes is described as "the way it is".  I'm not here to argue that, but to ask if you feel like that makes it okay.  When the fact that people aren't being treated equally doesn't have a major impact on your life, it becomes much easier to leave it as the way the world works.

We have the power to change how the World works, for We are the World.

Character Share: Bec from Echoes

Still putting off that post continuing the Echoes Arcs, in large part because I'm still trying to get a better feel for it.  In the spirit of that, I would like to talk about the character of Bec for a moment -

Bec came about as I was working on a fuller cast for the series, and wanted a foil protagonist for Kelly.  If Kelly is water, Bec is fire, Kelly is cool and collected, Bec is quick-tempered and passionate.

Bec(Rebecca Evelynn Stersh) is an introverted character and somewhat shy(close but still different ideas), in addition to being often stand-off-ish. Some of this nature is likely due to her circumstance upon entering the story.  She has moved to this city after the death of her parents, to live with her aunt and uncle.  Her father was a music producer/lover, and her mother is where she learned her love of dance.  Even before their death, her parents were her closest friends, as she often felt she didn't fit in at her private school.

Bec continues to wear part of her old uniform as she did when she attended the school, it helps her feel a tiny bit like who she was before losing her parents.  She loves to listen to music, and can occasionally be caught dancing, though she hates being watched.

Bec's original character design started as some sort of lycanthrope, which became more of a human/spirit bonded pair, which eventually lost the fuzzy ears and tail.  For a spell I began to consider what it might be like if music was her method, such as drawing is for Kelly.  In the end, I've been going with the idea that she actually has a powerful spirit contained/bound within her spirit, and channels energy that way.  So instead of drawing something, she starts to manifest more of a fiery personality.  Channeling this spirit can be dangerous though, as she loses a bit of her own control as she channels more energy.

This image to the left is an older design for the character, and one that I still really like.  Sometimes I feel a little torn and debate using this design, which is not impossible but rather unlikely; the character of Bec that I have now has become the Bec that I imagine, that I've gotten to know so well.

Part of what I love about Bec is the relationship between her and Kelly.  It begins as an almost unwilling friendship as Kelly just starts acting like her friend much to Bec's chagrin, but slowly Bec comes to appreciate Kelly's aloof and fluid nature.

I did up a page to try and get a feel for the characters and writing a scene and dialogue with a more "everyday" kind of feel, and as lame as it is to admit, I really enjoy it every time I come across the page

Trot On Everypony,
Alturiigo

A StoneBridge Survivor: Ella Surin

Before I get back to going over Kelly's story, I would like to share a picture of a character designed for my Role-Playing System, the Zombie Apocalypse version -

Ella was a CNA before the apocalypse, and also loved photography and jogging.  She's is of a curious nature, always trying to understand the things around her.  She would jog almost every day, at least around her neighborhood just to get out and about.

She is a determined person with sharp eyes and a quick mind, as well as the skills to help those in need of medical aid.

The little bubble is the character concept phrased like the Cypher System, as seen in Numenera.  I enjoy that take on character design, and I recently came across a couple other instances of presenting a character that way in my notes.




In the "story", Ella photographs the apocalypse and its toll on StoneBridge and its residents, and even does reports when Luke Fields, Cassie Anderton, and the other Residents secure the radio station several months in.  Ella is not "designed" to be a combat-oriented character, her ability to survive is mostly boosted by her Perception and stamina, both mental and physical.



There are a few other characters to the story, I'll add some other ones here for fun -

Kelly's Story Bit 2(Echoes: Teen Angst)

Kelly's story continues past Echoes: Origins, and it picks back up when Kelly is about 14, and is getting ready to enter High School.  It's early into summer break, but we come into the story with Kelly standing in the rain, dressed for her mother's funeral as she stands before her grave.  A traffic accident on a stormy night leaves Kelly without family. Kelly's godparent happened to be a man who was a family friend for years, having known Kelly's grandmother, and he becomes her legal guardian.

This is a pretty rough time for Kelly, who paints and draws to express herself.  One night, while painting through an emotional breakdown, she swears she sees the paint move and almost come alive.  She dismisses it and tells herself to go to sleep.  She dreams about her time with Gus - something which several years of therapy would have her believe was an imaginary coping mechanism from the loss of her father.  She wakes after having a vague flash of a man who helped her and Marçai recover from injuries during that time.

Master Orey, the man who had helped her in the Spirit Plane was her godparent, someone who had known Kelly's grandmother as an Archon - like Kelly.  Kelly begins to realize that the chalk was not the true power behind what happened, more importantly Kelly channeled energy through the chalk as she imagined it to have power.

There are positive and negative energies and spirits, and Kelly begins to be able to see these things more and more.  Kelly's father had been a police officer, and had many long talks with Kelly about helping people, and not being afraid to stand up for what is right.  The importance of this to Kelly causes her to feel a need to do something about the malevolent and harmful spirits and energies she finds.

Kelly goes to school as well and tries to lead a normal life, working hard to make time for training, studying, and removing bad spirits.She makes a couple friends, Claire and Anne, who don't initially know that there is anything different about Kelly.  The pair end up being exposed to Kelly and her happenings though - 

Claire is a bit loud and overbearing at times, but she's a good person at heart and cares about her friends.  Anne is rather quiet and keeps to herself, but she looks out for Claire and tries to keep her out of trouble. While some might think Claire probably bosses Anne around due to their personalities, others can see Anne is just as much a caretaker as a sidekick.  Anne also appreciates that Claire helps her be a little less reserved and timid.

One day there's a new student in Kelly's class, a girl named who goes by Bec and generally wants nothing to do with anyone.  A little about how Bec came about - I was drafting character ideas and had a few concepts before I settled on who she is now(more or less).  I've always felt like water was a good thing to compare Kelly to, adaptable and flowing, yet at times deep and resolute.  Bec is in some ways a foil to Kelly, a fiery character driven by passion, fierce and unyielding.

Here's where I'm trying to figure out if there's a second half to Echoes: Teen Angst with Bec, or if the rest of the story would all be its own arc.  Either way, I'll cap this post here with one more pic

Kelly's Story Bit 1(Echoes: Origins)

Some time ago a friend and I discussed a story about a little girl and a ghost, and the character concepts stuck with me long after we generally forgot about the original idea.  I ended up growing attached to Kelly as a character, imagining her as this young girl who didn't give up, on herself or others.  I had started watching more animated series, and I began to imagine a broader story for the character(s).

Perhaps Kelly had some magical chalk that can create the things it draws(which I'm aware isn't wholly original), and maybe she finds it while hiding out in the attic after her first day of school.

This was probably eight or nine years ago that I began exploring the idea of Echoes, a series about Kelly, and her journey as a character.

The story begins before Kelly's first day at a new school; they've moved into her grandmother's old house after her father died and it's in a city some ways from where they had lived.  Kelly's first day is rough, and upon getting home she retreats to the attic, and stumbles across a chest which contains among other things, a large piece of white chalk.
Kelly takes the piece of chalk and makes a few marks on the floorboards to test it, and catches an oddly shaped shadow, which she decides to trace, imagining it at some new friend for herself.  An ethereal shape rises from the shadow- this is Gus.

A brief bit about Gus- they were not made by Kelly, they are actually a powerful spirit which has also served a seal to help ensure that the planes of existence stay separate(wouldn't actually ever play out well to combine them).  She calls them Gus, which they seem quite pleased with, having no distinct name of their own

Here's where I'm foggy and only have a general story.  Kelly gets bullied at school, but with the help of Gus, she rids herself of his torment, most likely by teaching him not to mess with her(scaring/intimidation).  There's more to Kelly's story than some "magical" chalk, and this bully was one of the first things she'd need to overcome.  Kelly is special, and not just because her mom told her so.  In fact, her mom doesn't really know how special Kelly is.  In the Echoes setting, there is a Spirit Plane adjacent to our own, and souls tend to be the rare travelers between the planes, if only briefly.  Kelly is what some refer to as an Archon(term for this setting, I liked the word so what), someone who has a strong connection to the Spirit Plane, and can draw from and channel its energies, though it is something she must learn to use and control.

Kelly begins to be more adventurous and curious as she is spending less time being sad, perhaps has some small adventures using her magical chalk, before finding an abandoned manor said to be haunted.  Here, Kelly begins to see a more serious world, more dangerous adventure.  There is a malevolent spirit sealed in the manor, and in exploring Kelly finds herself in a struggle to escape the demonhound and the manor, and must use her powers to stay alive.  Unable to escape even after defeating the hound, she draws a door which instead of leading her our, leads her into the Spirit Plane.

Here, is where she meets Edos and Ryelle, two Children of Gaia(nature spirits) who become a loyal friends to Kelly, and Ryelle is much of a big sister to the young heroine.  Kelly learns that a malevolent spirit whom I still need a name for wants to cross planes to feed in the Material Plane("our" plane), and plans to find and destroy the seals, and open a special gate between the Planes.  Kelly also meets Marçai, a wandering spirit of a swordsman with a troubled soul, unfinished business kinda thing.  He remembers being charged to protect someone and failed to do so.  It still haunts him, and some of his motivation to help Kelly comes from seeing her in some ways as his previous charge.


Despite best efforts, it comes down to Gus as the last seal and the villain at the Gate, attempting to break through it in its weakened state(probably blasting it with energy or something).  Gus wraps himself around Kelly one last time and helps her understand before using his energy to reseal the Gate, using the Villain as an additional seal(remember, Gus is a powerful ancient spirit, despite often being little more than an emotive wisp).  Kelly loses Gus, and after the blinding flash and disorientation, Kelly finds herself in a park near her home.  She no longer has the magical chalk and despite wishful checking, Gus is indeed gone.  Kelly starts walking home.

An Open-Letter Comment

I was typing a response comment to a post wondering why people are still trying to stop abortions/control people, and I cut and pasted what I had so far here; I believe it wouldn't have been read... right.
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The question, in a way that it is never worded, is whether it is the responsibility of the government to prohibit abortions - the importance of "Pro-Life"['s] use of the term murder. The government is "supposed to represent the will of its people", so it "should" be up to the citizens if it is something that should be prohibited. I feel as though the nation is honestly divided in its beliefs, which is why there is still a debate about it.
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I can't get very far when I ask myself if I think abortions should be legal, because I think it's a very loaded question. I believe life should be valued, and that's usually the argument on both sides. From there, it becomes a question of whether its the government's responsibility to outlaw abortions, or if this is something that oversteps though bounds of what a government should control.

If it's murder, it seems like something that should be prohibited by law. It's also a matter of a person's body though, and is the government in control of your body? I'm not sure to be honest what the answer would be for this, because I don't know that a question of this nature can be answered so broadly by a law.

Is the government supposed to represent Good and Right, or the will or its peoples? These ideas are not automatically inclusive, and has been one of the biggest questions since people have been vying for power - for better or worse.

Who You Are and What You Do

It's something I think about a lot, especially as I progress in years, not as though I'm terribly aged yet at 28 years-old.  The title, that is, I think about Who I am and how it does and doesn't relate to What I do.  I've touched on this a little from the question of "Where do you see yourself in (x) years?" in a vlog post, but clearly I still find myself pondering it into the hours of the night(it's just after 4am).

What your job is by description and how you work can be two entirely different things, and various types of work or jobs seem to be viewed by some as almost in differing classes(think of blue collar and white collar as existing terms).  There is a lot of work to be done, and it's not like everybody wants the crummy jobs.  Taking pride in yourself and how you work is important to me, not so much as what you do.  Then again, let's also try to remember that it can be a great boon for someone to work in a field that they enjoy and are passionate about.

So it's good to try to do what you love, what you are good at, though at the same time, how you work and who you are can be more important than your station.

I think about it because I want to be able to do the things I love and am passionate about, but I also need to make a living.  It becomes a matter of wanting to do both, and the best route would seem to be to make a living by doing what I love to do.

That made me start asking myself the question of what I love to do, what I am passionate about.  I enjoy a lot of things, and learning has always been something I've enjoyed, which only contributed to making it less obvious of an answer.  I thought about what I do when it's my choice, when I have free time.

I love to design worlds, characters, settings, and story concepts.  The amount of information and work I have created and put into even just the Future d10: Visceroth Cluster pen-and-paper rpg system and setting is pretty massive.  There are characters who exist in doodles, sketches, notes, and my imagination, who will likely never be known by hardly anyone else.  I love these characters, I've spent hours and hours of my life dreaming them up, drawing them, creating tales around them.

I don't know that I would write my stories, so I haven't pursued the path of a writer.  I'd like to make these RPG systems into a thing, so trying to get those to a publishable state would be a great goal, though it seems lofty.  I'd love to try to make a graphic novel for the Echoes story, and dabble in it, but my art is still a WIP.  Even then, how do I go about making a living doing that or while I do that?(rhetorical, that's the conversation)  To thrive at something, it's best to be able to invest as much as you can to help ensure success(assuming what you invest does indeed help).

Mostly, I have thoughts and ideas that I just want to share, and while that doesn't make me a living, I can do it for free.  All I ever think about these days is how much I wish I was doing these things, but I haven't been lately.  I've been doing my job and it's been wearing down on me.  There are a lot of people who worked hard for years in their free time to eventually be able to do what they love, so I can't use that as an excuse.  

So I feel like the best I can do is keep trying to get myself to work on the things that I love like they are my job, so that one day, maybe they can be.